It looks like I”m down to one post a month, which is not exactly as I had envisioned this project … it was supposed to be “Daily Writing …”  Well, all I can say is that I am not my father, at least certainly not in that respect.  The thing about him was that he may have been subject, at times, to deep, crushing depression at times, but he never stopped writing.  Never.  As I approach fifty I see that I am subject to the same sort of depression, except that writing is not my form of therapy.  And so while I have dozens of ideas for something to write about each month, I many times cannot put my hands on the keyboard.  Physically unable.  That’s depression, all right. I have come to believe that it’s related to hormones.  Specifically, the lack of them.  These things happen when you age, hence the title of this post.

It’s become something of a joke, or at least a cliche’ – this idea of the mid-life crisis, and the various and silly ways we express it.  Some reactions are more destructive than others.  I’m thinking of affairs, inappropriate cars, and the usual things associated with a reflection and subsequent disillusionment with where we are at whatever age we begin to reflect.

But there are more subtle manifestations, such as the increasing difficulty to view the world with a fresh perspective, the tendency to allow bitterness or disappointment to take root.  This sort of thing is considered part of aging, but it doesn’t have to be.  Thing to do is get out — get out of the daily routine. For me that always meant get out into nature, into wilderness.  That’s not such an easy thing to do anymore, but it’s not possible.  Joshua Tree is not so very far away from where I am, and that place has the right kind of physical beauty and promise for adventure among the boulders and cliffs that the Gunks had thirty or so years ago.

That’s one form of medicine, but in an effort to get to the bottom of the mid-life crisis / aging issue I went to doctor for a full blood workup.  What do you suppose she came up with?  Turns out I have almost zero testosterone flowing through my veins.  Well, that’s probably good for the avoidance of Prostrate Cancer, but it’s not good for much else.  Taking the proscribed has made a world of difference.

Sometimes we are, after all, just a bag of chemicals …